Monday, May 25, 2009


Why do I picture a nun at the bottom, just out of the frame? Never mind...

Hey - FUNNY IS WHERE YOU FIND IT. I couldn't make stuff up nearly as scary lame as this:

Zounds! Youth Rock Ministry

(click the title to go to the site...IF YOU DARE!)

By all means, if you are a troubled teen looking to stay sober and straight and virginal and religious and acceptable to God, go to this site and enjoy yourself. If you are anyone else, go to this site and enjoy yourself with a bunch of hearty, nervous guffaws.

Where to start?!? The fact that they consider homosexuality something wrong that can be fixed - they call it SSAD "Same Sex Attraction Disorder", and they hope that Adam (American Idol) Lambert can get some help with it. I don't actually remember him making out with any men on American Idol, but I didn't see all of the shows...maybe I missed it. Anyway, the Zounds people sound like they are the experts on the sexual preferences of strangers, and how to correct said DISORDERS.

I guess Pastor Skeet must approve. Yes, you read that right...PASTOR (and lead singer) SKEET.

Howbout the list of approved bands on the left? We even get to see the excommunicated bands (their names are still there, but crossed out!). Evanessence is no longer allowed (in fact, under the Zounds FAQ, they mention their "safe" Evanessence cd bonfires!), but Stryper is still okay. No AC/DC at all, tho...

Watch the videos: the "powerful mime performance", the ultra-white raps of Smitty ("Do the burning bush, do the burning bush!"), also "Norwegian Satanists have tried to assassinate Antestor, but the power of the Lord kept them rockin'!", and tips on throwing a JESUS RAVE PARTY!

Be sure not to miss the Zounds Abstinence Boxer Shorts. These are "sexy" cotton boxers imprinted with the imprint "Radically Abstinent, Saved & Saving it!"...this strikes me as the same type of good idea as the logo'd high school shot glasses that so many proms offer. Why not some Abstinence Comdoms? They could be rubber discs that don't unroll at all, with a rad picture of a winking Jesus waving his finger: "No, No, Know!"

All a bunch of harmless idiotic fun, except for the "Legalize it! School Prayer Rocks" bit. "Don't be a praya hata - legalize school prayer"...hey - let's spend more of my tax dollars on learning how to spell correctly, instead of praying that it turns out close enough for people to understand.

Oh well, at least those teens who follow the stuff on this site should have no problem at all with the abstinence thing...

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